worried too much
Not only have I been worrying about my job situation this summer, I’ve been a little low on funds as of late. Tonight on the way back from practice just about all I could think of was “How am I gonna have enough money for my needs this summer? Where am I gonna work? Will I get paid enough?”
When I got back someone purchased a pedal that’s been on Ebay for the past three days with Buy-It-Now. I think that’s indirectly a message from God saying “Calm down, Son. I’ve got it under control.”
I think I’ve completely moved on now. God has been showing me things about Himself and about myself that have made me very happy the past two days even though not everything revealed was a good thing. He said to me a couple weeks ago that he’s tuning me in to himself, and that he’s going to make my spirit very sensative to his. I’m very excited about that word because I’ve desired that closeness for a while now.
At the same time I need to “get over” (for lack of a more appropriate term) my sin struggle or he can’t fill the place I’m still harboring no matter how much I desire him to. He has freed me of that sin though, but I often place the old man in the closet rather than in the grave. Or at least I need to stop digging him up. He’s rotting and he stinks.
The other thing he told me, I may have mentioned this, is how much I desire a woman who is genuinely interested in me. No matter how much I want to “to find out” if I like any of the cute girls I see around here all the live-long day I need to wait. I’m not worried about finding a mate, ’cause I know it’s His job to bring me one and I’m fine with that, but I’m antsy and desire the physical intimacy as well as the emotional. It’s rough being 21.
Other than the money thing I mentioned on top, the last thing He’s spoken to me is that even though my struggle that has lasted 7 years (Johnny Cash’s amphetamine addiction lasted 7 years too, I think that’s interesting. Hopefully that was a word from God too…) was not God’s perfect plan for my life, He always makes something good in result. I’ve been able to share my struggle with Enoch and we’ve been helping each other and praying for each other. Enoch has the most beautiful heart of anyone I’ve ever met. Any girl would be more than blessed to have him. I pray he gets a really good one. Anyway, to the point. Besides being able to help Enoch, another guy friend here at Greenville e-mailed me yesterday about him and I talking so I can help him with the same issue. Thank you that you can use such terrible shit for someone to mess around in as a means to teach another.
God, give me a strength.
On another note, I’ve decided to try and write a song about what I’m thinking every day or so. I think the first one will be titled “I Want a Dog.” ‘Cause I’ve wanted a dog so bad this semester. Dang you Greenville for not allowing animals in the houses! Anyway, more on this later