Comments on: Young Widows Live at the Bluebird (St. Louis) 11/11/08 http://chasemacri.com/2008/12/01/young-widows-live-at-the-bluebird-st-louis/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=young-widows-live-at-the-bluebird-st-louis Chase Macri Fri, 13 Jan 2012 04:41:45 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Mark Early http://chasemacri.com/2008/12/01/young-widows-live-at-the-bluebird-st-louis/comment-page-1/#comment-28 Mark Early Thu, 04 Dec 2008 17:18:04 +0000 http://chasemacri.com/?p=279#comment-28 Ha ha... I don't even like RUSH. Ha ha… I don’t even like RUSH.

]]> By: Chase http://chasemacri.com/2008/12/01/young-widows-live-at-the-bluebird-st-louis/comment-page-1/#comment-27 Chase Tue, 02 Dec 2008 06:06:16 +0000 http://chasemacri.com/?p=279#comment-27 I agree. I'll probably split it up. The last section kind of came out, without much preparation or thought. Although, I do not at all have a problem of saying "fuck" and talking about faith, and Jesus in the same sentence. I agree. I’ll probably split it up. The last section kind of came out, without much preparation or thought. Although, I do not at all have a problem of saying “fuck” and talking about faith, and Jesus in the same sentence.

]]> By: JB http://chasemacri.com/2008/12/01/young-widows-live-at-the-bluebird-st-louis/comment-page-1/#comment-26 JB Tue, 02 Dec 2008 05:38:32 +0000 http://chasemacri.com/?p=279#comment-26 alright dude...here's my suggestions. I'll keep them more or less abstract. The more specific stuff would be standard editing stuff like sentence structure and such. Things that you or Caitlin could pick up on easily. First, I would remind you to keep in mind your audience. If this is an article and not just a blog, then the piece appears to be pulling in two separate directions. One direction is the musician angle and the other is the concert-goer angle. It feels like you have two articles in here. The second thing I would suggest is playing with the narrative aspect of the article. You have some really great things to say about music and STL and the culture of a concert but they are little gems hidden behind a structure that doesn't let them shine. Play with the order of the paragraphs a bit and I think you could have something quite compelling. Third thing...it seems weird to me to start off with "really fucking awesome" and end with something about faith. That seems like too personal a touch to end with. Again this relates to audience. With the religion angle you move away from the band and more into essay territory, which is fine, but essays have their own form and rules. A prolonged meditation on the ideas or phenomena behind the music of young widows inclines toward that essay form but it doesn't make for a great band article. the content is here and it's good content. the form just needs tweaking. alright dude…here’s my suggestions. I’ll keep them more or less abstract. The more specific stuff would be standard editing stuff like sentence structure and such. Things that you or Caitlin could pick up on easily.

First, I would remind you to keep in mind your audience. If this is an article and not just a blog, then the piece appears to be pulling in two separate directions. One direction is the musician angle and the other is the concert-goer angle. It feels like you have two articles in here.

The second thing I would suggest is playing with the narrative aspect of the article. You have some really great things to say about music and STL and the culture of a concert but they are little gems hidden behind a structure that doesn’t let them shine. Play with the order of the paragraphs a bit and I think you could have something quite compelling.

Third thing…it seems weird to me to start off with “really fucking awesome” and end with something about faith. That seems like too personal a touch to end with. Again this relates to audience. With the religion angle you move away from the band and more into essay territory, which is fine, but essays have their own form and rules. A prolonged meditation on the ideas or phenomena behind the music of young widows inclines toward that essay form but it doesn’t make for a great band article.

the content is here and it’s good content. the form just needs tweaking.

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