ChaseMacri.com » prayers

#17 – Vulgar Tongue

Chase — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 08:14:00 +0000

Must we be so silent?
Unable to speak?
As though our tongue is limp and our mind always on other things
I admit that I feel shame only seldom
when I remember that I’ve forgotten you
I do not know why
How can I care for one I’ve never seen?
have hardly felt?
nor have ever heard the sound of speech?

I believe
You care because to you I am infinitely known
How can you not since there is such an intimacy there?
Do I not because to me you are infinitely unknowable?
do I know you without knowing?
do I see you without seeing?
do I hear you? or are my ears stubborn and refuse it
Do they simple filter you out with the background noise of passing cars and of nature’s creaks and of fools babbling?

Can I ask you
Are my prayers more pleasing when poetry?
or do you prefer a vulgar tongue?

thanks

Chase — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 04:11:33 +0000

if you prayed, my ears feel tons better.

#6 – Fear

Chase — Tue, 19 Jun 2007 03:52:00 +0000

I’m not too much afraid of the future except in how it involves you.
I mean to say, I don’t worry about how I’ll fare, but you’d be mine.
I’d have to provide, and would be held responsible if I don’t.
That scares me, a lot in fact.
Especially considering I haven’t been able to move up at all on my own so far.
And I could even “take risks” if I chose to.
God, do my prayers really change the red lines you draw that surround my moving black line?
If I’m at point E and want to know about point G I cannot but you do.
I want G to be good.
Selfishly, but unselfishly too.
I want it to be good because there will be two lines together being effected by, and affecting your red lines.
Has your hand considered my plea?

tonite

Chase — Thu, 16 Nov 2006 02:08:22 +0000

tonite i sit on the brink of the future
the present is quickly moving along
colliding into certain inevitability
into the uttermost, farthest reaches of the space/time continuum
my current sitting position is touching the one beyond all and in all
my past, present and future are all here in one moment bending the fabric and peering into the face of God
and i am completely powerless
unable to sustain a look in his eyes yet unable to avert to the ground
how can i focus on any other?
how can i set myself apart and be alone in a sanctuary of me when one much stronger is clawing on the walls?
i cannot begin to imagine my life without the truth
nor can i neglect his far-reaching hand that will crush all my motions that are in opposition to his rhythm
my mouth can sing no other melody other than
my hands cannot construct a design outside of
and my mind cannot shake the overwhelming thought that regardless of the particular the unthinkable one is fully in control while i am helpless to save myself and his divine plan is so much greater than my own human one that it is like comparing a child’s castle of sand to the Sistine Chapel

I’m sitting at the front door of inevitability

Chase — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 02:16:38 +0000

I’m sitting at the front door of inevitability
I feel like each move to the left or the right has been predetermined, or at least my attempting surging is of none effect
I cannot move; I am entirely dependent
“See” she says but I cannot
“Be content or at least not so down & out” she whispers
But sometimes I simply want to complain about my troubles
“Can’t I just complain?” I reply but its dry and completely empty
Like the memory of what once was; so close, yet so far gone
So far removed from my eyes that I don’t remember the colors as vividly and God knows accurately because what is memory anyway if it can truly be trusted as truth be it relative or otherwise
So dry and completely empty
“You knew it was going to be this way”
But I didn’t suspend hope
I didn’t give up the notion that maybe things would be different, better I mean
I don’t like dependency
“If there’s nothing you can do about it, why get so upset?”
Point well said, hopefully taken as half as well
It would be easier if I wasn’t able to see other around me
Without a degree, like it’s some sort guarantee for the money
Because more of that would make all things right wouldn’t it?
It’s faithful, why shouldn’t I place my trust in it?
I mean, only a little of it would get me out of the hole I’m in currently
But it’s fleeting, and unfulfilling if solely sought as if it is that which is & was and will be
And power outage or not are you so vain to think that you deserve something more?
For who are you but a single tick of a clock in a clockshop filled to the threshold
Oh, for humility, patience and the ability to trust that my hopes and dreams will one day be more than only that
Yet, godspeed

manning

Chase — Fri, 22 Jul 2005 04:07:22 +0000

July 16th, Brennan Manning Devotional:

“The Christian with depth is the person who has failed and who has learned to live with his failure.”

How have I failed? In what areas to I habitually fail? God, forgive me for these failures.
a) I fail with my eyes.
b) I fail with my pride.
c) I especially fail to love people.

I’m beginning to become afraid that I am going to fail in so many situations. God, give me your spirit of peace. Draw my eyes to you and let nothing else stand in your way. Help me to be a man after your heart for my desires is to be one with you and not to be trapped under my human attempts to be obediant. I desire to please you more than to please the law. In that I give you myself, the failure.

name claim

Chase — Thu, 09 Jun 2005 02:16:25 +0000

I made a phone call today that was nice.

And I talked to Mom for a little bit about faith and prosperity teaching tonight. I don’t think I could ever stand behind “name it, claim it” teaching. Who is man that he can tell God what to do? I have faith that God knows what his is doing, not that I won’t get cancer, not that I won’t ever be poor, not that I won’t suffer in my life. I mean, I expect to suffer. All the Apostles suffered greatly and died martyr’s deaths except for John and even he suffered. Jesus himself suffered persecution and rejection throughout the gospels and especially towards the end of his ministry. Something isn’t meeting up right and I can’t figure out how the suffering of many saints doesn’t play into that belief that “health and wealth” are the Christian way.

Isn’t it ridiculous to believe that the God of the universe will bend his will to any beckon call to some insignificant human who has the slightest ailment? Wouldn’t God be more concerned with the sick and dying across the world than some fat, dumb American who’s only desire is for Him to make the person happy? Jesus’ largest concern was for the poor and broken. He made himself one of them. Jesus wants our hearts oriented in compassion to the people who are suffering, why can’t we see this?

God, draw my heart close to yours and let me understand who you son really was and what he was all about.