Another One-sided Conversation

Me: “I mean, that's not exactly it. I do think I will. But… I don't know, it just seems so odd to me after recently getting out of the relationship I was just in for so long. Getting close to someone else or even just meeting someone interested in me is a weird thought. I'm not insecure, but the thought of finding someone else who will love me like I want to be loved is odd. Like, what kind of person like that exists?”

You: “_____”

Me: “Yeah, I understand that. But with all the variables it seems so unlikely any two people could find enough in common to love each other. At least with the kind of love I'm talking about. If it were philosophy then this would be existentialism. I mean active, intense, passionate love. That's how I'm going to love whoever this mystery person is. The thing that is weirding me out right now is getting there. The he-said-she-said, the playing-hard-to-get, the being-mysterious-to-incite-interest; the fronts that we put on to appear attractive. I just hate thinking about that stuff. I wanna get off the milk and go straight to the meat of a relationship.”

You: “_____”

Me: “Hmm. You know, you have a point. I guess you're right in saying one of the most enjoyable times in a relationship is when it's just beginning. You have more of those cutesy, butterfly, I'm-with-the-person-I-like feelings that only come about during the first stages of infatuation. The uncertainty that comes with building a friendship and trust and just getting used to each other is an essential part to a healthy relationship. I guess I just want to know what's going on and not have to worry.”

You: “_____”

Me: “Oh no, it's totally God's problem. I told him 'Dude, you deal with it.' I'm not going to worry about getting out there and looking. God'll do his part and bring her to me. But once he's done that, there's still that human element and that's what I'm talking about. I promised him earlier I'd wait at least till this summer so I've got to at least keep that up.”

You: “_____”

Me: “I know, it's difficult. Whenever ___ comes up I just pray 'God help me, God help me, God help me!' over and over. Sometimes I can't stop thinking about ___. Whatever though. I just want what's best for ____. He's faithful and he's been keeping me in check. Whatever happens happens. Anyway. I better run, it's been good talking to you.”

You: “_____”

Me: “Thanks, I will pray for you too. Talk to you later. Alright, bye.”

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