#4 – Pat

I don’t know why, nor do I understand why I still continue to care.
Perhaps you have a special place in my heart; I mean, you did have a very large impact on my life when I was growing up.
I was able to see first-hand how God changed you, and then how he sustained you.
What happened?
I know things happened that I’m sure you regret, and would take back if you could.
And I may be too close to the situation for you to feel comfortable delving back into our relationship.
I understand that.
I sympathize, I guess.
It’s sad, really.
It’s sad to me if the reason why you’ve continually avoided me through the years have been how you took complete advantage of my father, which in turn was like betraying my family after all that Mom and Dad both had done for you.
Weren’t we friends? Buds even?
You were like a mentor to me, Pat.
Did my most recent attempt to re-establish contact with you fall on deaf ears?
Like random advertisements that are immediately frowned at, discarded, deleted or simply ignored and not clicked on, or viewed at all?
Did you think twice about it?
Did you try to start a reply, or plan to but didn’t have the time and have since forgotten?
Are you still planning a response, and are waiting for the right words?
Have you thought of the message, or me, in the months since I sent it?
I don’t know why, but I love you.
I can actually say the thought of our current status pains me.
I want to know that you’re okay.
I want to know that you’ve made peace with God.
I want to know that, although you were shortchanged, and have made poor decisions, you’re making better ones now and are trying to make things right.
More than that, I want to be able to believe you when, or if, you tell me.
I don’t know a thing about what’s happened since the day you left so many years ago.
So maybe I’m way off base, or you think maybe I’m better off not knowing; that you’re saving me in a sense.
And you could very well be right.
But I don’t care about the heights from which you’ve fallen, the depths from which you’ve risen, or the deeper you continue to dig, all I care about is you.
In truth and honesty.
In shit and beauty.
By revealing our worsts we accidentally, without really taking notice, expose our bests.
If you’re afraid, don’t be.
If you’re uncomfortable, (and maybe you should be.) Don’t.
I don’t and won’t judge you.
I just want to be your friend.


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