#43

Christ,

I’m still winging it.
I want to know you have a plan.
Help me to see it.
I feel like I catch glimpses of you from time to time and then you’re gone.
I feel like I understand you a little and then I forget and you are beyond my grasp.
I feel like I see you occasionally and then you subtly slip away much like in the temple when you announced who you were for the first time. And they all became so angry.
I need you to be ever present.
I need an escape.
I am trapped, or in the very least, I feel trapped.
Help me patient and loving and considerate and kind.
Help me to really see you; to seek you.
You claim you have plans for me, not for harm but for good.
I believe you but I’m scared.
I’m afraid of how quickly things can become disastrous.
I’m afraid my hands won’t be so delicate and I’ll crush what’s given me.
Hold me, Jesus.
May I not feel so destined to fail.

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